The only hope for Republicans is.....

...extreme short term memory for the American public.

The only hope Republicans have for future electoral wins is for everyone to forget everything they said, did, bragged about, rubbed in our faces, and crapped on the living room floor for 8 fucking years. The thing that is so galling is that they are, currently, opposing one, if not the only, thing that can avert a MAJOR DOWNTURN. And they are doing it by saying the exact opposite of the shit they said, oh, not 3 fucking months ago.

Now, they'll bitch about the deficit. But 3 months ago when they had the reins, doubling the thing to 10 trillion, some Republicans were still saying crap like "Reagen proved that deficits don't matter". Had a quite intelligent Republican actually say that load of horseshit not to long ago. If you have a decent memory, for one, you wouldn't be a Republican, but you may be a Demuhcrat or an Induhpendent. Get enough of that variety and you may get above 50%. Or at least to 47 and purge a another few million from the rolls.

Still, there's a glimmer of hope for Republicans who don't want to do the rational thing and, uh, moderate a little fucking bit. They can stay bat shit conservative, not compromising a bit on their proven-to-fail policies, and gain a few of dem women voters w/ Palin and some African Americans w/ Michael Steele.

(As an aside, more proof that the base of the Republican party is missing a few brain cells. Palin proved not to get a single fucking woman more than would have been gotten. Look at the numbers.

2008 from 2004:
% Women Voting for Dem increased 8%
% White Women Voting for Dem increased 2%

Michael Steele, even more ridiculous. Remington Steele is more palatable to blacks than Michael Steele. Look at the same exit poll data referenced above, you see 89% voted for Kerry on 04, and it went up to 95% for Obama in 08. I should say AGAINST Bush in 08, although Bush actually increased polling in all demographic groups (including blacks) in 2004 compared to 2000. So, that 6% increase means, what, that blacks only voted for Obama because he's black??!?! No, only a short-term memory Republican would think that. Most black folks will never vote Republican because they realize that that would be like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders. Remington Steele is not going to get them more than 1.53% African Americans into the Republican column, and that might be streching in. Heh, Remington Steele...that's his name now...I'm a petty petty man.)

Anyway, back to the point. Republicans depend on a short term memory for everyone, not just them. This is where things like graphs and facts come in. Have them prepared. Don't let up. Throw the truth in their faces. Here's one....



See it. The downturn, in terms of job losses, is already WAAAAYYYY fucking worse than the most recent two recessions. The one in the early 90's (at the end of Poppy Bush's tenure) and the one in the early 00's (started in March 2001 shortly after the appointment of Prince George of Crawford....sure....we are TOTALLY a democracy).

Take a look at the drops. 1990 recession, big drop from month 8 to month 12. Gulf war at or following that interval, with funds likely "stimulating" economy. From March 2001, months 9 through 12 steep, that would put that ending around the, at that time, successful "completion" of the war in Afghanistan (the war that never ends). Then another drop around month 24 to month 26. What happened then? Inception of Operation Iraqi Liberation to Mission Accomplished. Damn, don't you love when shit just falls out like that? Causation or correlation or whatever, it is what it is. So, what does that portend for our NEAR future. Is this the "surge" in Afghanistan that was hyped (but recently downplayed)? Or is this a new conflict? Please, for the love of all that which does not suck, tell me otherwise.

Another point(s)...the steepness of the curve and the "month date" we are on. The steepness portends a much longer recovery (we hope), much more difficult work ahead to right this ship, and the very real possibility that we could enter a depression or deflationary period. Inform people of this DATA and it becomes clear that the people who oppose the [stimulus/ recovery/ jobs-program/ watered-down-capitulation-to-the-insane] do not fucking care if more people suffer or that we could suffer the complete loss of our democracy and social safety net. In fact, its becoming increasingly likely that the majority of the opposition to the stimulus is hoping for these negative effects to occur.

The recession, more amusingly, is at fucking month 14. That's December 2007. I know, I know, it takes a quarter or so to figure out, definitively, that you're in a recession. Still, that's month 11 after the required-knowledge-date. All the while, spokesperson after spokesliar in the Bush administration fought and argued and LIED that we were not in a recession. They had access to the data months before WE knew, yet they lied and lied and lied for months that we were not in a recession. WE were brought into the loop in December 2008. You wanna tell me that the election wouldn't, oh, I don't know, been a complete fucking landslide (even more than it was) for Obama??!?! If it was shown that Bush and McCain's beloved ideology was giving us ANOTHER recession and doing things to make it worse, you wanna tell me Republicans would be getting some votes from folks getting foreclosed out of their houses? If you answer the above two questions in the affirmative, you are a Republican and are by now highly offended. I apologize. Now get your butt back to Malkin or some Heavy Drinker site you frequent.

Speaking of said-Chucky-doll. I like when I google something and it links to a Republican site and they're actual numbers and facts and shit. I knew they weren't completely stupid. Good for them.

Stimulus passes cloture vote. Lazy Republicans avoid having to read from the Bible for 24 hours on the Senate floor. Apparently, they were afraid they might learn something antithetical to their ideology. LOOOVE how Malkin refers this as the generational theft bill...how catchy to the non-dipshit!! Got in a tizzy about Cornyn for missing the vote. Wanna make sure the lockstep Republicans stay that way. In favor of Bush, in opposition to Obama, in favor of Plutocracy, in opposition to sanity. Didn't see these fuckers complain about Bush's tax cuts which cost nearly double this stimulus bill. 1.35 trillion for tax cuts, mostly to the rich.

For a laugh, or a scare, look at the comments section of the Malkin blog. Completely like a Heavy Hitters discussion. Thou dost project too much.

In Defense of Holy Joe

Some in the blawging community and fans of the far-left smear sites tend to be aghast when those on the right make jokes about their horrible policies. And usually, most of these jokes are fucking lame.

The most common involve torture apologists claiming something benign is akin to getting a stick shoved up your ass. You know, the "I had to listen to a dirty hippie liberal last week, now THAT was torture". Take the Falafel-meister and the formerly funny Dennis Miller yucking it up about torture last week.

MILLER: You know, I had a caller on my show, Bill today, the radio show, a guy named A.J. from Milwaukee. He had the best take on this. He said change the public relations of waterboarding, say that people are emitting too much CO2 and when you pour water down their nose, it cuts into their CO2 exhalation.

O’REILLY: So it’s better for the planet.

MILLER: You can call it greenboarding. And we could sell it. Greenboarding! There you go!

Hahahahhaha!! Lol!!! Too funny!!! The mental destruction and potential death of a possibly innocent person is High-lareous!! You guys should be in fucking Vegas, or at least headlining at the Laff Shack.

This is why you should never joke about torture...unless its funny. Same goes for any of the millions of highly offensive topics that people joke about. Problem with conservatives...they simply aren't funny. (One need only to sample the horrendous 1/2 hr news hour for confirmation). Which brings me to one exception....Holy Joe Lieberman.

At a black-tie function last week, Joe said this....

We had hoped Vice President Cheney would be here tonight. I hope it's not his back injury that's keeping him away. Apparently, he hurt it moving some things out of his office. Personally, I had no idea that waterboards were so heavy.

Well done. He got the memo. To make a joke about torture, you have to bend the theme around something that is acceptable to mock. Torture = not funny. Mocking the prick that orders torture = funny. Now, Lieberman is also a prick that condones torture, so he loses some points there. Plus, this was not "fall on the floor, shit your pants" funny by any means. He could have said...

We had hoped Vice President Cheney would be here tonight. I hope it's not his back injury that's keeping him away. Apparently, he hurt it trying out some toys from his Abu Ghraib collection. I'm told that he forgot to tell Condi the "safe word".

Or another improvement....

We had hoped Vice President Cheney would be here tonight. I hope it's not his back injury that's keeping him away. Apparently, he's an evil cocksucker that deserves to rot in federal ass-rape prison! Shit fuck! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!

So the lesson is....don't make jokes about torture, unless they are funny. And if you're a conservative, you'll need help, because you're inherently humorless. Lieberman obviously has some remnants of his liberal roots, for he was also able to shove out this gem...

I was so close [to being McCain's vice president]: As close as Alaska is to Russia.

Nice dig. Perhaps an acknowledgment that nominating a know-nothing as VP was a huge fucking mistake?

Dissolution

I know its a slow news cycle, what with the Holidays, the economic collapse, the ushering in of our first black president, and Israeli-Palestine clusterfuck, but seriously, does this Ruskie nut deserve this much mention in our press?

First, the headline.

Russian Professor Predicts End of U.S.

Nice. Ok, I'm listening. How about a few details?

Mr. Panarin posits, in brief, that mass immigration, economic decline, and moral degradation will trigger a civil war next fall and the collapse of the dollar. Around the end of June 2010, or early July, he says, the U.S. will break into six pieces -- with Alaska reverting to Russian control.

.....

He based the forecast on classified data supplied to him by FAPSI analysts, he says. He predicts that economic, financial and demographic trends will provoke a political and social crisis in the U.S. When the going gets tough, he says, wealthier states will withhold funds from the federal government and effectively secede from the union. Social unrest up to and including a civil war will follow. The U.S. will then split along ethnic lines, and foreign powers will move in.

Hmmm, mmmkay, I'm a bit dubious. Some of it rings slightly possible, especially the references to states that are cash strapped potentially fighting with the feds. Remember that Arnie recently requested a bailout for Kul-ee-For-ne-yah. While I heard another recent report that the only three states that aren't operating on a deficit are Wyoming, West Virginia, and one of the Dakotas, presumably due to our richness in minerals. But I seriously doubt these piss-ant states will be the first to secede, because who the fuck would follow us. Oh wait...this Ruskie's got a map....



Ah, I see now...the New England states will group in with Hillbilly Heaven and join the EU. While the Goober South and the Texico South will be gobbled up by that powerful Mexican influence. The fierce Canadians will take over the Great Plains states and much of the Rust Belt. Pacific powers will take everything west of the Four Corners meridian, save Alaska. Sarah Palin's noble efforts to watch out for Putin's head will ultimately fail :(

Not much of this makes sense for obvious reasons. Maybe the foreign interests in the respective regions makes sense, but little about the geographical split passes the bullshit test. Lets see, South Carolina and Vermont in holy unity? Ozark rednecks and Montana militia-men under the thumb of liberal Canada? Polygamist crazies in Southwest Utah hangin' with the one-child havin' Chinese? How did this guy come up with this shit?

"When I pushed the button on my computer and the map of the United States disintegrated, hundreds of people cried out in surprise," he remembers. He says most in the audience were skeptical. "They didn't believe me."

Didn't believe you??? Nooooo, your analysis seems so rational.

Seriously, what's this Ruskie been drinking?



Ah, should have known. If only he would avoid the cheap vodka, then his conspiracy theories would be limited to the Reconquista.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!1!!!!

This must be stopped.

No more can we permit a national forum for this right wing governor, beholden to the ideology that has given us two unwinnable wars, plundered our treasury, shat on the Constitution, and destroyed our economy.

No, I'm not talking about Caribou Barbie.

I'm talking about....

Duh Duh Duh DUUHHHH (<- you should hum some ominous music here)

Bush is back! Well, maybe. And not Georgie, its the favorite son, Jeb. And not til 2010. And just in Florida. But c'mon, its a Bush, people! Ain't that enough to piss you off?

You know Jeb, the one who's name more aptly belongs to the learning-impaired older brother. The one that Poppy Bush cried about in 06, after the oldest son screwed the pooch for any hopes of continuing the Bush Dynasty. Sorry, too late...no do-overs Poppy. You let the sadist son, placed at a young age under the wing of the exceedingly cold Babs, take first reins at the White House. You should have known it would fuck up any hope of furthering Jeb's dreams of presidential power. Your other sons are criminals and war profiteers that have never held elective office, the grandchildren are barely beyond their wild drinkin'-n-drinkin'-n-druggin' days, so really Jeb is the only option in the near future.

So do you really think Americans are willing to see another Bush in power? After all that Georgie has fucked up and how absolutely hated he is by the American public? Well, we're the same public that elected Poppy and allowed the Supremes to appoint Junior, even after it was known their family fortune was made with the fucking Nazis. Yeah, seriously, even Fox "News" says so. So I guess that answers my question....any voting populace willing to consider a spawn of a Hitler-financier will be willing to elect the brother of the worst fucking president ever. My Obama-inspired hope is waning by the second. :(

Keep it up.

Yes we did.

"Keep it up."

That was the invocation of serial misinformer John Fund this election season. When Fund isn't trotting downstairs in a bathrobe smoking stogies with Grover Norquist (also robed) after being away with said muppet-named hater-of-taxes for several hours in a secret upstairs bedroom, he's engaging in devious ass-hattery. The latter was on display a couple months back on Real Time. This was an especially good episode, wherein Janeane Garofalo was having none of the shit-peddling. She called him on all his lies, which were copious and unrelenting, which caused the show to devolve into a constant calling-him-on-his-bullshit by Garofalo. Here's a piece of the episode showing Maher piling on.



Hear it at 0:15? Fund was smugly crying "Keep it up, Bill" all fucking episode long. His "point" was that accurately identifying Sarah Palin as a fucking idiot would turn off all the other fucking idiots in this country. The offended would then cast their lot in with candidate Fucking Idiot on November 4. How'd that turn out, John??? Not real good, or at least that's wut the teevee tole me on the 5th.

Cynical elitist asshole. "Keep it up" was what liberals and conservatives did whenever some Republican cynic like Fund tried to defend her dumbass answers to simple questions and her obvious lack of basic knowledge. This time, the truth worked. And cynical assholes not only lost the election, but lost any remnant of credibility they had. And Sarah Palin lost too.

Moral of the story...when Republicans tell you to "keep it up", do it. They project all the fucking time and attempt to play reverse psychology. All you need to know about the extreme right wing of the Republican party (also known as the Republican party) are two things.

1) They project their own fears and faults onto everyone else.

2) Nearly every position or opinion is based out of fear.

Everyone Hates What I Like

Either the above is true, or the merger of XM and Sirius was orchestrated by evil fucks.

Recently, the two music channels worth listening to are G O N E gone. Y day alwayz b fucking wit my shit, yo? Is it because he hate me? Or is it because I have shitty taste in music? No, it can't be that, so it must be a sinister conspiracy to rid satellite radio of kick-ass tune-age.

A couple years back, when I first acquired XM radio for my hooptie, I instantly fell in love with channel 51, XM Music Lab. The atonal squinks and noises spewed out by the Bartok-inspired instrumentalists were a much needed salve to the FM world of non-stop AC-DC, ZZ Top, and Bob Fucking Segar. But not one month into my subscription, the corporate fucks at XM takes it off air and replaces it with....nothing. Apparently, static noise is preferable to most folks than the shit I like.

But fine, I still had XM 72 Beyond Jazz and XM 76 Fine Tuning. The former played MoJa, acid jazz, killer improvisational bands, and live shit. Great stuff that expanded my musical tastes. The latter provided a forum to hear the occasional old Genesis song, Celtic music, and other eclectic crap. When they played Roxy Music and Brian Ferry started singing, my failure to turn the dial did not make me gay at all. I've been told that the Gipsy Kings could have that effect, so I was quick to change the channel should I hear flamenco music and cante jando.

So with the merger of Sirius and XM, I thought, surely, I would get MORE choices of odd music to soothe my paint-addled brain. I should have known better, because Teddy Roosevelt and his spirit are both dead. The Reagan Revolution made sure of that.

So what's the first thing they do? Get rid of both XM 72 and 76. Assholes!!!! Got an email about the changes and a link to the new line-up. Here's what they said:

"If you liked XM 72, you may like XM70 Real Jazz and XM 71 Watercolors!!"

Old timey jazz is fine if you like watching paint dry....I actually enjoy the standards, but only if I get to huff the paint while its still in its moist state. Since I can't huff and drive (got too many DUH's in my day), XM 70 is not an option. As for XM 71, I get enough lite-jazz while watching the Weather Channel. Seriously, every Wayman Tisdale tune makes me chant "Currently, its 52 degrees, under partly cloudy skies!!" in a neo-Stephen Hawking voice. I can get plenty of George Benson on V-100 while the churchies are busy each Sunday morning, so I don't need more of it on my XM.

As for the other channel I liked, here's what the XM/Sirius assholes had to say:

"If you liked XM 76, well....you're just fucked...besides, you're probably gay considering you listen to eclectic tripe and, by law, we can still discriminate against your kind."

Best thing they offer now is XM 56 Jam Bands. However, it will only take me one week to hear the entire discography of Phish and Government Mule. Grateful Dead encompass all of XM 57, so there's no one else to fill up the jam band line-up. Oh wait, there's Dave Matthews Band....can't get enough falsetto singers on the radio, we need more John Mayers and Coldplays. Which reminds me, XM gave a whole fucking station to Coldplay a few months back...XM 51, in fact. Way to rub it in, boys. And did I mention XM 53 is now AC/DC radio?!?!?!

ARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!

XM, how you mock me!!!!!!!

All Your Base Are Belong To Us