In Defense of Holy Joe

Some in the blawging community and fans of the far-left smear sites tend to be aghast when those on the right make jokes about their horrible policies. And usually, most of these jokes are fucking lame.

The most common involve torture apologists claiming something benign is akin to getting a stick shoved up your ass. You know, the "I had to listen to a dirty hippie liberal last week, now THAT was torture". Take the Falafel-meister and the formerly funny Dennis Miller yucking it up about torture last week.

MILLER: You know, I had a caller on my show, Bill today, the radio show, a guy named A.J. from Milwaukee. He had the best take on this. He said change the public relations of waterboarding, say that people are emitting too much CO2 and when you pour water down their nose, it cuts into their CO2 exhalation.

O’REILLY: So it’s better for the planet.

MILLER: You can call it greenboarding. And we could sell it. Greenboarding! There you go!

Hahahahhaha!! Lol!!! Too funny!!! The mental destruction and potential death of a possibly innocent person is High-lareous!! You guys should be in fucking Vegas, or at least headlining at the Laff Shack.

This is why you should never joke about torture...unless its funny. Same goes for any of the millions of highly offensive topics that people joke about. Problem with conservatives...they simply aren't funny. (One need only to sample the horrendous 1/2 hr news hour for confirmation). Which brings me to one exception....Holy Joe Lieberman.

At a black-tie function last week, Joe said this....

We had hoped Vice President Cheney would be here tonight. I hope it's not his back injury that's keeping him away. Apparently, he hurt it moving some things out of his office. Personally, I had no idea that waterboards were so heavy.

Well done. He got the memo. To make a joke about torture, you have to bend the theme around something that is acceptable to mock. Torture = not funny. Mocking the prick that orders torture = funny. Now, Lieberman is also a prick that condones torture, so he loses some points there. Plus, this was not "fall on the floor, shit your pants" funny by any means. He could have said...

We had hoped Vice President Cheney would be here tonight. I hope it's not his back injury that's keeping him away. Apparently, he hurt it trying out some toys from his Abu Ghraib collection. I'm told that he forgot to tell Condi the "safe word".

Or another improvement....

We had hoped Vice President Cheney would be here tonight. I hope it's not his back injury that's keeping him away. Apparently, he's an evil cocksucker that deserves to rot in federal ass-rape prison! Shit fuck! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!

So the lesson is....don't make jokes about torture, unless they are funny. And if you're a conservative, you'll need help, because you're inherently humorless. Lieberman obviously has some remnants of his liberal roots, for he was also able to shove out this gem...

I was so close [to being McCain's vice president]: As close as Alaska is to Russia.

Nice dig. Perhaps an acknowledgment that nominating a know-nothing as VP was a huge fucking mistake?

Joe's in the News

Joe the Senator

Chiz-ecked out the future VP in Chucktown 2day. Wuz off da hook yo. Never been to a political rally before, and was a little concerned that wouldn't get through the detectors with my aluminum spray can. Decided to leave the can and enjoy the speeches without entering altered states. Had a primo view of Biden's backside, so here's a clip of what I did not see.



Be proud of my state, we're going Obama, you watch.

"Joe" the "Plumber"

Yeah, his 15 minutes are about up and the story has been beaten to death, but the guy just irks the hell out of me and I wanted to add my 2 cents. The story went that there's a guy named Joe who's a plumber who wants to buy his bosses company that is worth more than 250k, but he's not sure if he can because Obama will raise his taxes. Turns out he's no where near making enough to buy such a company, even though the company is only worth 100k, that he actually is delinquent on his taxes, that he's not a plumber, and that his first name is not even Joe. I guess Sam the Plumber didn't have a good enough ring. Sam is a butcher or a ex-jock bartender, or so says Nick at Nite.

After an hour of vetting by the media, this guy should have went away. But the right wing was CERTAIN that they had their star, their game changer, and clung to him like grim death. "Joe", or Sam, or whatever the fuck his real name was, loooooved the attention, regardless of the joke he'd become to rational humans. Joe still makes the rounds on Hannity and Huckabee, but he mainly lives on through the incessant invocations of "FirstName" the "Occupation" by the McFalin camp. Its sooo fucking tiring....Arroz the Huffer has just about had enough.

Joe the Asshole

Oooh, this is classic. This Joe in Northern Virginia, or the "commie" part of Virginia, is stuck in traffic an annoyed. There's heavy traffic on his route, but the opposite direction is clear. How the fuck could that be? I mean, there couldn't be an accident or road work or more congestion for one direction.....the same conditions just HAVE to be present on both sides of the road. This is enough for this average Joe to make a call....to 911. To bitch about the traffic. The operator is annoyed, so Joe finally says "fuck you" and hangs up. Then they call back and find out its Joe McCain, brother of John McCain, and the guy who recently made the "commie" reference about NOVA. They leave a message on his cell, after which Joe actually has the balls to call back. Its as if he thinks he's got no worries, his bro is going to be president (apparently, he doesn't check the polls). Here's a humorous news clip from a local station.



"Jo" the Bullshitter

K, her name's not Jo, not even close, but felt this wacko was worth blawging about. The right wing media has been in a tizzy about this innocent college girl that was attacked by a black man for sporting McCain/Palin gear on her hooptie. Turns out, its bullshit at best and race baiting at worst. Smoking Gun has some info on her "foreshadowing" of the "events" that led to her "mugging". YouTube shows past videos from this nutcase where she imagined that a black janitor was stealing her Crayola'd objet d'art. Some have surmised that the backwards B on her face is a result of her carving it herself in front of a mirror. Fox News' VP predicts that if this story turns out to be bullshit that it will sink McCain's campaign. Yeah, like its been going swimmingly for McFalin the past few weeks. Well, the Pittsburgh poh-leece have already declared it bullshit, so does that mean its over now? Seriously, my ulcers are raging and only a proper end to this election or a 20 point nationwide lead for Obama will heal my pain.