Dissolution

I know its a slow news cycle, what with the Holidays, the economic collapse, the ushering in of our first black president, and Israeli-Palestine clusterfuck, but seriously, does this Ruskie nut deserve this much mention in our press?

First, the headline.

Russian Professor Predicts End of U.S.

Nice. Ok, I'm listening. How about a few details?

Mr. Panarin posits, in brief, that mass immigration, economic decline, and moral degradation will trigger a civil war next fall and the collapse of the dollar. Around the end of June 2010, or early July, he says, the U.S. will break into six pieces -- with Alaska reverting to Russian control.

.....

He based the forecast on classified data supplied to him by FAPSI analysts, he says. He predicts that economic, financial and demographic trends will provoke a political and social crisis in the U.S. When the going gets tough, he says, wealthier states will withhold funds from the federal government and effectively secede from the union. Social unrest up to and including a civil war will follow. The U.S. will then split along ethnic lines, and foreign powers will move in.

Hmmm, mmmkay, I'm a bit dubious. Some of it rings slightly possible, especially the references to states that are cash strapped potentially fighting with the feds. Remember that Arnie recently requested a bailout for Kul-ee-For-ne-yah. While I heard another recent report that the only three states that aren't operating on a deficit are Wyoming, West Virginia, and one of the Dakotas, presumably due to our richness in minerals. But I seriously doubt these piss-ant states will be the first to secede, because who the fuck would follow us. Oh wait...this Ruskie's got a map....



Ah, I see now...the New England states will group in with Hillbilly Heaven and join the EU. While the Goober South and the Texico South will be gobbled up by that powerful Mexican influence. The fierce Canadians will take over the Great Plains states and much of the Rust Belt. Pacific powers will take everything west of the Four Corners meridian, save Alaska. Sarah Palin's noble efforts to watch out for Putin's head will ultimately fail :(

Not much of this makes sense for obvious reasons. Maybe the foreign interests in the respective regions makes sense, but little about the geographical split passes the bullshit test. Lets see, South Carolina and Vermont in holy unity? Ozark rednecks and Montana militia-men under the thumb of liberal Canada? Polygamist crazies in Southwest Utah hangin' with the one-child havin' Chinese? How did this guy come up with this shit?

"When I pushed the button on my computer and the map of the United States disintegrated, hundreds of people cried out in surprise," he remembers. He says most in the audience were skeptical. "They didn't believe me."

Didn't believe you??? Nooooo, your analysis seems so rational.

Seriously, what's this Ruskie been drinking?



Ah, should have known. If only he would avoid the cheap vodka, then his conspiracy theories would be limited to the Reconquista.