Everyone Hates What I Like

Either the above is true, or the merger of XM and Sirius was orchestrated by evil fucks.

Recently, the two music channels worth listening to are G O N E gone. Y day alwayz b fucking wit my shit, yo? Is it because he hate me? Or is it because I have shitty taste in music? No, it can't be that, so it must be a sinister conspiracy to rid satellite radio of kick-ass tune-age.

A couple years back, when I first acquired XM radio for my hooptie, I instantly fell in love with channel 51, XM Music Lab. The atonal squinks and noises spewed out by the Bartok-inspired instrumentalists were a much needed salve to the FM world of non-stop AC-DC, ZZ Top, and Bob Fucking Segar. But not one month into my subscription, the corporate fucks at XM takes it off air and replaces it with....nothing. Apparently, static noise is preferable to most folks than the shit I like.

But fine, I still had XM 72 Beyond Jazz and XM 76 Fine Tuning. The former played MoJa, acid jazz, killer improvisational bands, and live shit. Great stuff that expanded my musical tastes. The latter provided a forum to hear the occasional old Genesis song, Celtic music, and other eclectic crap. When they played Roxy Music and Brian Ferry started singing, my failure to turn the dial did not make me gay at all. I've been told that the Gipsy Kings could have that effect, so I was quick to change the channel should I hear flamenco music and cante jando.

So with the merger of Sirius and XM, I thought, surely, I would get MORE choices of odd music to soothe my paint-addled brain. I should have known better, because Teddy Roosevelt and his spirit are both dead. The Reagan Revolution made sure of that.

So what's the first thing they do? Get rid of both XM 72 and 76. Assholes!!!! Got an email about the changes and a link to the new line-up. Here's what they said:

"If you liked XM 72, you may like XM70 Real Jazz and XM 71 Watercolors!!"

Old timey jazz is fine if you like watching paint dry....I actually enjoy the standards, but only if I get to huff the paint while its still in its moist state. Since I can't huff and drive (got too many DUH's in my day), XM 70 is not an option. As for XM 71, I get enough lite-jazz while watching the Weather Channel. Seriously, every Wayman Tisdale tune makes me chant "Currently, its 52 degrees, under partly cloudy skies!!" in a neo-Stephen Hawking voice. I can get plenty of George Benson on V-100 while the churchies are busy each Sunday morning, so I don't need more of it on my XM.

As for the other channel I liked, here's what the XM/Sirius assholes had to say:

"If you liked XM 76, well....you're just fucked...besides, you're probably gay considering you listen to eclectic tripe and, by law, we can still discriminate against your kind."

Best thing they offer now is XM 56 Jam Bands. However, it will only take me one week to hear the entire discography of Phish and Government Mule. Grateful Dead encompass all of XM 57, so there's no one else to fill up the jam band line-up. Oh wait, there's Dave Matthews Band....can't get enough falsetto singers on the radio, we need more John Mayers and Coldplays. Which reminds me, XM gave a whole fucking station to Coldplay a few months back...XM 51, in fact. Way to rub it in, boys. And did I mention XM 53 is now AC/DC radio?!?!?!

ARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!

XM, how you mock me!!!!!!!